Title: A Little Bit of Humour for a Monday Morning

// TOP SECRET! ☺
// Windows '98 source code.
// TOP SECRET Microsoft  Code
// Project: Chicago
// Projected release-date: Summer 1998
#include <win31.h>
#include <win95.h>
#include <evenmore.h>
#include <oldstuff.h>
#include <billrulz.h>
#define INSTALL = HARD
char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
int main() {
  while(!CRASHED) {
    display_copyright_message();
    display_bill_rules_message();
    do_nothing_loop();
    if (first_time_installation) {
      make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
      do_nothing_loop();
      totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
      search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
      hang_system();
    }
    write_something(anything);
    display_copyright_message();
    do_nothing_loop();
    do_some_stuff();
    if (still_not_crashed) {
      display_copyright_message();
      do_nothing_loop();
      basically_run_windows_3.1();
      do_nothing_loop();
      do_nothing_loop();
    }
  }
  if (detect_cache())   disable_cache();
  if (fast_cpu()) {
    set_wait_states(lots);
    set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
    set_mouse(action, jumpy);
    set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
  }
  /* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
  /* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
  printf("Welcome to Windows 98");
  if (system_ok())   crash(to_dos_prompt);
  else
    system_memory = 
      open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
  while(something) {
    sleep(5);
    get_user_input();
    sleep(5);
    act_on_user_input();
    sleep(5);
  }
  create_general_protection_fault();
  return 0;
}

Thanks to Paul Collings for forwarding this. I hope Bill Gates appreciates that we would love to be sued (we don't have any money for either advertising or damages)